leaves that shine in the late morning sun.

thanksgiving.

in past years i was never excited for this holiday,
like yay, i get to see my aunts and uncles and lame cousins. woo.
turkey... woo.

i never understood the ACUTAL reason for this holiday.
to me, thanksgiving is just a chance to get together and talk about everything that happened since the last time you saw eachother... LAST YEAR.
its embarrassing to admit, but its true.
before moving closer, my family only got together Once or twice a year.
thanksgiving and christmas.
anyway, i never really appreciated this holiday when i was younger.
i didnt understand the importance of family.
now, my family is one of the most important things in my life.
they are my support, they will always be there for me when i need help.
they will never judge me, or my ideas.
they will always love me, no matter what.

im so lucky to have a family like mine,
who will do all these things for me.
i am so grateful.
thankful.

happy thanksgiving!

spare change and cigarette butts

I love this city.
Evevrything is alive, moving and changing.
you can stand in one spot and if you blink, you can miss so much.
I love the people here

the hurried business people
the awed tourists
the bored shopkeepers
the lost homeless
the fresh students.

every person, with this culture, ideas and talents makes this city more enjoyable.
you can be whoever you want and there will be someone within a 20 minute subway ride who will understand and wanna be just like you.
A girl can breathe out here.
I feel like there are no rules, no standards and no expectations here.
You can sing what you want, eat what you want and shop where you want.
no one cares.
we're all messed up.

Although being in this great city, I do miss the soft blowing corn fields of Woodstock.
i miss the smell of manure in the spring and fall mornings
i miss the slow and easy atmosphere of being in a farming town
I miss the familiar faces of the people i grew up with
i miss the crazy farmers, the crazy nights of climbing silos, and the crazy bush parties in the back fields.

Home is where the heart is and frankly, my heart lies in downtown Toronto.

inches closer to what i need

It is so close!

exactly 7 days until I am sitting in my room at the Ryerson ILLC
(My place of residence)
It is unreal to think that my dreams will soon be my reality!


ever since i heard of the Fashion Communications program at Ryerson, i NEEDED to attend.
I worked my butt off all through High school to get the experience and skills i needed to create the portfolio just to APPLY.
I took photography, art, more art and more art. '
and now i am here.
well a week from "here"
I cant wait to meet my new friends and see new things.
i wanna learn EVERYTHING.
i wanna be the best.

to all out there who want something in thier life, be it something simple as perfecting your famous blueberry crisp or as complex as a successful change in career.
you can do it.
all it takes is determination and a committment.
you can never give up what you want, never let it go.
consantly strive for excellence and work hard.

if you just do those things, you can do anything.
of course, i am only a mere 18 years old,
so what do i know?

take what you will but i know what works and worked for me.

live well and love strong.

time passes

not like its been ages since i posted!

well whats new?

I had prom.
I graduated.
I didn't get into Ryerson, wait listed.
I was destroyed.
I moved 2 hours away from my best friend.
I decided to go to York instead.
I wasn't excited, thrilled or interested.
I made new friends.
I got 2 jobs.
I got Into Ryerson.
My life looked 10,000 times better.


AANNNNDD thats it.
I am still beaming in the afterglow of happiness from getting into the school of my dreams.
After having those hopes dashed in May, I gave up completely.
i changed my plans and everything i had pictured for my future.
I had to make a choice and i chose to go to the next best thing, York.
I had a roommate and i saw the campus, i chose my courses and everything, but i still just didn't care.
My future looked...ok.

i was told to give up the idea of going to Ryerson to save my heart from being broken once again.
i was only on the waitlist after all, but ,my chances were slim.
If i had any hope of getting in by some miracle, and I didn't;
i would be severely distressed.
so i carried on, but in the back of my head i still had a little voice,
saying
"dont give it up. don't give it up."
and secretly, i didn't.
I hoped and hoped everyday for that phone call to come.
and it finally did.

i cried.
it seems so stupid but i was so overwhelmed. everything shifted from apprehension and apathy to "EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL!"

haha! Moulin Rouge quote.
Now, I am admitted. I am a Ryerson student, of the faculty of Communication and design, in the program of Fashion Communication.

My future looks...Grand.

sunsets and good music

it is always the little things that make me really love being alive.

why is that? it could be something as small as a quick glance shared with my best friend,
or something as profound as a glorious sunset.
I was driving home from up north today and the sky was ablaze with brilliant pinks, oranges blue and purple.
the sight almost brought tears to me eyes!
right at that moment, i was so grateful to be alive and witness something so beautiful.

i was at ease. With my eye being delighted by the glorious sunset and my ears being entranced by the music coming from the radio.
PS---> listen to more Third Eye Blind.

Other things that make me happy to be breathing and living;

smiles shared while laying beside kevin
belly laughs with stupid friends
beautiful things to look at
beautiful sounds to hear
good, tasty food
a feeling of being relaxed and completey content

so, thanks.. to whoever made the stars line up so perfectly... so that i may be alive today.
'preciate it!

moving on and up

25 days till the big move.
I have mixed feelings, both excited
scared
giddy
horrified

so many emotions, when i think about what i am about to do my stomach turns.
or maybe it is just the chicken i just ate?

How does someone like me make friends in a totally new city?
Do i just walk up to someone young-ish looking and say:

"HI! My name is Rachel, I like kittys. Wanna be friends?"

most young people would look at me and think i have a disability. or am just a very creepy wierd person.
18 year olds dont meet eachother this way... we meet in over crowded classrooms and we complain about something we have in common. that is how it all starts:

"ugh i hate chemistry"
"ugh me too"
"LETS BE FRIENDS"

honestly, that is how i met all my friends.
But in the summer months, we are all happy and free. What do we have to complain about? espeically when we are busy roaming around with our complaining friends?

too bad for me, i dont have any complaining friends in Barrie. What ever will I do?
This is such a comfusing time..
should I be sad about the history i will lose with people in a town i grew up in?
Or should i be thankful to get away from that town where everyone knows me?

One thing i will for sure miss is the landscape. I love the flat hills and wide fields that makes Oxford County what it is. I will miss the cows and the familair smell they produce. That is my home.

But, now i get to see huge trees and sharp landscape. i get to look at more people and more stores, more cars.
mixed feelings surround my heart and i don't know what to feel.
The anticipation of the day creeps closer and closer like a coveting ghost.
hoooooooooooooooooooooooo


that is what ghosts say.

Stupid students?

Do employers in Barrie NOT want to hire students?
After HOURS of searching and searching for a job, I find nothing.
I am doomed to spend my summer out in my lounge chair getting as brown as a Himalyan child.
not bad.

I want to shout from rooftops:
" I AM A RELIABLE STUDENT WHO JUST WANTS MONEY! HIRE MEEEEEE!!!"

would i get arrested for doing that?
Even the farmers in Barrie don't want someone to pick rocks out of thier fields...
what is wrong with these people?


anyway.

You know your principal doesn't do much for the school wheeennn:

she pulls up to the front parking lot where there are benches and other areas to lounge,
She asks some under-year students if they would help her carry something from her car into the school,
They look confused at eachother but shrug and help her,
After they return back from inside they ask eachother,
"Who was that?" and "why was a random stranger asking us to help her unload her car?"

It takes ONE student (Out of 7 others) who has the secret knowledge to say:

"that is our principal."

haha.

days like this are hard to forget

great day.

fablous day.

Hair whipping in the warm late aftersoon sun. The suns harsh rays filling the tobacco fields with golden light. a twangy country song blaring from the speakers overhead. My skin sizzling from the fresh sunburn on my back.

I skipped school today to go to the beach. It was a goegrous day and I couldn't waste it by staying inside and learning... nothing.
It was a perfect day. me and my friends hopped in the car early this morning and took off. the hour drive was worth it.

memories like this are few and far between.

love days like this

fablous day.

great day.

Momentary glimpses of silence

Although I thought i already created one of these but I guess not.
Why do teachers decide to make all thier big assignments due on the same day. They probably have a meeting and decide that "ok, on May 28th lets make all of our final projects due."
So because of this sudden rush of projects being due and friends fighting and drama at school i have made an executive decision. I am quitting my job. It is the last 30 days of school and my last couple weekends here in My little town.

I plan to spend it with my best friend, doing stupid things to kill time.
I plan to soend it reading books and going to the library.
I want to spend it with my Grandmother.
I plan to use the time to do good work.

I think it will be good for me, to let go of something. I have lots on my plate and would it be nice to take something out of my life? espeically something that causes lots of stress and anguish. Why not I say?!

I see myself later in life waking up some mornings, I will have a good steady job and a house and i will just say to myself..."Im moving to Paraguay!"
and off I will go.

I would love to live my life on the edge of insanity, and take off into the night to wake up in a different world.
As for now, I am an 18 year old student just waiting for my life to begin. Waiting for school to be finished and to grow up.

For now I am a jobless hobo living in my Grandmother's Guest room.

In the beginning..

There was only one.

hah. sooo here i am. Blogging. wierd. Inpsired by my sisters grand ideas!
"you should write a blog"
"I have nothing to write about" i say
"It's good to get jobs"
"*confused face*" i say

but, i decided that It is going to be a boring summer and I have nothing better to do. Why not write? i guess?
I am so not used to just writing and posting something, what if no one reads it?
what if no one cares?

not like i am expecting anyone to care.
Just a warning, to those who will read and will care..

i mostly talk about myself. (as does everyone) and lately it will be about tiny little highschool things. nothing too profound.
if you REALLY dont care, then look for something else to waste time on, but if you so want to read...

read on!